I don't want forever
by Daydreamgirl94
Summary: "Hi it's Rose. I need you to get the dimension cannon working. I'm sending him back to the other world...alone."
1. Chapter 1

"I love you," he breathed into her ear. His voice, haunted, deep, pained. His voice sounded so desperate that it was as if he had waited 900 years to say those exact words to her. His voice...that was all it took.

In one swift moment, Rose lost all her self-control. She had been very controlled when finally finding him, just hugging. Throughout their time together, despite how it ended, she had been very restrained, with just one hug and the occasional holding hands. He had been restrained too, just the one, "leave her alone." Now he has broken, and given in, there was nothing holding her back.

Grabbing onto his jacket, she pulled him close to her, and crushed her lips onto his. She desperately leaned into him, trying to close every possible gap between them.

Thankfully, he didn't say no.

Fusing his hands to her waste, he held onto her, tight. Never wanting to let her go he was too busy to savour the moment. Living for today, he furiously kissed her back.

Forgetting everyone around them, they were only interrupted by the closing of the tardis door. Pulling away from him, she watched as her old home vanished with the familiar groan for the final time. Suddenly, a familiar hand grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She looked up to see a pair of well-known eyes on a stranger's body looking deep into her.

It was at that moment that she realised he wasn't going anywhere, and that he would willingly give her forever.

But right now, she didn't feel like she wanted, or deserved forever.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the blue box disappeared, and all that was left of him ever being there was his fading footprints, Rose snapped back to reality. Dropping the new doctor's hand a taking a deep breathe she plastered on the best smile she could manage and quickly walked off to Jackie.

"Right, well least we know where we are this time!" She laughed as Jackie looked less than impressed with being stuck in Norway…again.

"Mum you ring dad and see if Torchwood can send us a helicopter to pick us up. I'll report back to base…"

Rose continued to talk at a million miles an hour to her mum for quite some time. The doctor smiled fondly at her, she reminded him of himself. However, this thought lead to a single tear rolling down his cheek. He knew full well that he only spoke like that when he really wasn't alright.

As she hung up the phone for the fifth time, and finally stopped pacing around in a circle, the Doctor tentatively walked over to her.

"Rose…" he began but was soon cut off.

"Right spoken to Torchwood they're going to have us out of here in no time…" Rose rambled on as she began walking away. He followed.

"Rose…" he tried again

"And I've spoken to Mickey and Jake and everything is fine at their end with the breach and the walls closing…"

"ROSE!" he shouted as he grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him.

She looked at him in shock, and what he hoped wasn't fear. He hadn't meant to scare her. Releasing her wrist and gently stroking her cheek he looked deep into her eyes and tried to read her mind.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently, almost scared for a reply.

"Yes fine, look don't worry we won't be here for much longer..." She never looked him in the eye as she tried to lie.

"You know that's not what I meant" he pressed on. "Rose I know he's not coming back, but don't think he's abandoned you."

"Doctor!" she shouted a bit too load and with a bit too much anger in her voice. "Sorry" she tried again, being gentler this time. Taking his hand with both of hers she finally looked him straight in the eyes.

"It's ok…I get it, it's going to be ok"

He was about to reply when the helicopter could be heard. Seizing the opportunity, she let go of his hand before running towards it and ordering him to follow. As they both climbed in and took their seats he was relieved when she grabbed his hand and didn't let go the entire trip.

He wasn't aware that she was holding on for dear life. As she knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

_I've travelled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine. But you two! Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that._

_I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay; you wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone that you l-_

_The one adventure I can never have_

Rose was insecure. She was needy. Rose knew those things. However there was one thing that Rose Tyler wasn't. She wasn't stupid. However much she wanted, yearned even to hear him say it, he was right when he said "does it need saying." It didn't, the Doctor, her Doctor, the real Doctor had proved his for love her a thousand times over. Any clarification she needed she got when she looked to the left and down at the hand holding hers tight as his thumb gently stroked hers. The movement was as if he was reminding her that he wasn't going anywhere.

The doctor didn't do domestic, God his face when she suggested they share a bloody house when it looked like they had lost the TARDIS forever! So if they really were the same, then she knew that this wasn't want the Doctor, the new doctor wanted. He didn't want to be stranded here with her. Sure he loved her, but living a life, day to day, that wasn't him.

The other doctor hadn't abandoned her, or dumped her. He thought this was what she wanted. In reality, all she wanted was for him to be happy. The fact that he had offered himself fully to her was enough, and she felt like she had a sort of closure.

Rose was ready to say goodbye to the Doctor and his blue box forever now. She didn't want to, but she would. She just hoped she could do it quickly, before she got too attached.


	4. Chapter 4

"She's holding my hand" he smiled as the thought crossed his mind.

"She won't look me in the eye but she wants to hold my hand. She kissed me but won't talk to me, blimey talk about mixed signals. I'm going to take this as a good time, whatever she thinks of me, she doesn't want to let me go." The Doctor kept up this conversation with himself for the duration of the helicopter ride.

Eventually, after an awkward hug from Jackie as she got off at the Tyler Mansion., it was just the Doctor and Rose left together, awkwardly holding hands.

"Where too now Miss Tyler?" the driver asked Rose.

"Back to Torchwood please, we can walk back to mine. Thanks" Rose replied

"Back to yours?" the Doctor questioned, smiling.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you've got nowhere else to go, and I lived in your home, the Tardis for over a year, might as well return the favour." Rose stated this as if she were simply being polite.

The doctor however, took this to mean something completely different.

"We're going to be ok, she wants me with her," he thought to himself.

He was right in some respects, Rose did want him with her, but only because she knew they wouldn't have long together.

As the Helicopter landed they walked hand in hand towards the Torchwood building. To any ordinary person it just looked like yet another normal office.

"Tell you what; I've just got to sort a few things out, procedure you know?" She stated whilst digging deep into her pocket and handing a scrunched up £10 to the Doctor.

"Fancy picking us up some chips for tea, for old time sakes?" She finished her sentence with her trade mark smile with her tongue sticking out. The size of the Doctor's grin matched hers. He kissed her on the cheek, and marched off content to the chip shop.

His smile never faded, however Rose's did as soon as he turned her back. She practically ran into Torchwood to be met by Jake.

"Rose!" he cried and pulled her into a huge hug. "Pete rang and explained everything, I'm so glad it all worked out, shame Mickey's gone though."

"Yeah, I'll miss him." She replied and continued. "Thing is, not everything has worked out. I need you to get the dimension cannon working again."

"What? Rose, he's here, with you, why do you want to go back. Well that doesn't matter because you can't…"he was confused as she shouted.

"The walls are closed, but they're weak. They'll take two weeks to properly heal, as long as we can get the cannon working in that time, we can create enough of a gap to go back." Rose was speaking quickly, aware that the queue in the chip shop was never long.

"That's not my point Rose, why do you want to go back?" Jake asked

"I'm not going back. He is." She replied bluntly.

Jake didn't have time to question as he saw the doctor smiley broadly approaching the torchwood building. Rose was already turning, getting ready to run away. He grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around.

"Ok, but I hope you know what you're doing." He told her

"I do," was all she said as she walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Now that Rose Tyler, that is a proper dinner," the Doctor beamed as he stuffed the last chip into his mouth.

"You never change," she smiled back.

"And I must say," he continued. "I just love what you've done with the place, I mean after two years it's so lovely that you've put your own stamp on the place…" the doctor grinned as he gestured towards unpacked boxes, and the distinct lack of mess, Rose Tyler mess.

"Well, been busy you know, Defender of the Earth isn't just a 9-5 thing! And you can talk Mr, at least I have time to change my clothes," her quick wit never failed her. The Doctor was about to continue this argument, but her smile, with that cheeky tongue silenced him.

"God I've missed you," he whispered as he stroked her hand across the table.

Rose's heart was racing. She couldn't bring herself to remove her hand, but she didn't want him to keep touching her either.

"_Must regain control, must not get too attached,"_ Rose told herself angrily. She was falling for him, and she was falling fast.

She abruptly stood up to clear away the food, busying herself around the kitchen. The Doctor didn't seem to notice as he started to explore her flat. Room by room, it didn't take him very long though. He walked silently into the kitchen as Rose was still rushing around.

"I'm sorry," he said. Rose just froze.

"Don't worry, you can wash up tomorrow night," she forced a laugh, but her mind was racing. _"Does he know I'm sending him back, is he angry? Is he leaving…wait! Why am I getting angry, he's going to leave eventually. I'm sending him," _Rose argued with herself.

"Your bedroom in your old flat and your room with the Tardis, there were clothes everywhere, things on the floor that people kept tripping over, photos everywhere too. It was awash with bright colours, which was just like you, smothered the place in fact…but this," he threw his hands in the air, and spoke quietly. "This…there's not one single photo, not one item of clothing out of place, it's just so dull, it's not you." Tears were forming in his eyes as he spoke.

"Everyone grows up, I thought you'd be pleased, you always use to complain about my mess, "She replied, trying to keep her voice high.

"Rose, it's like you don't even live here…"

"I told you, Torchwood is busy," her reply was blunt. She really didn't want to have this conversation, she was afraid of where it would take her.

"I just, I just feel so guilty Rose, like I've taken your life from you. Travelling with me nearly killed you numerous times, and even when you get separated from me you still don't have your life, I'm so sorry" he trailed off.

She couldn't help herself any longer; she strode up to him and took his face in both her hands.

"You never have to apologise to me, ever. You hear that, never," she stated boldly, tears forming in her eyes.

He looked deep into her, and saw she meant it.

"Yes sir, "he smiled a genuine smile, it was small, but it was true. He pulled her into him and hugged her tight. She responded and they just held each other close, just like old time. Her head was against his chest as she listened to his single heartbeat, she didn't know if that comforted her or scared her. His arms were around her, one hand in her hair and the other across her back. He held her fiercely, as if speaking to the universe, growling, _"I've got her back, and don't you think I'm ever letting go."_

They eventually broke apart and smiled at each other. Rose yawned a little as if her brain was reminding her not to get in too deep. She took a step back, ran to the bathroom before returning to him with some towels.

"Here you go mister, and the spare bedroom is through there. Hope you don't think I'm rude but I think crossing parallel worlds and defeating the daleks all in one day earns me an early night!" As she turned and walked towards her room, he called her name.

"Rose?"

"Yes Doctor?" she barely got out the last word before he kissed her on the cheek. It wasn't the passionate kiss that they shared before, but he initiated it, meaning to him it was practically sex.

"I meant what I said you know... I love you, Rose Tyler." Her name hung on his lips as if he was relishing in the chance to say her name again.

She smiled back at him and cheekily replied, "quite right too," before continuing to her room and closing the door.

That was it; Rose could no longer see and was blinded by tears as she slowly sunk down the back of her door.


	6. Chapter 6

Rose's body was shaking uncontrollably, she decided that was a good thing though, her constant shaking was somehow stifling her large sobs which threatened to escape from her lips constantly. She didn't want him to hear her cry. She didn't want him to hold her in his arms, kiss her hair, and murmur into her ear that everything was going to ok, over and over, until eventually, with his arms shielding her she would fall into a comforting sleep.

She didn't want any of that because she wasn't sure if she would be able to let go.

However, Rose Tyler knew very well that she couldn't always get what she wanted, and she was about to be painfully reminded of that.

Exhausted from crying, Rose threw off her leather jacket, shoes and socks. Hastily removing her hoop earrings she decided pyjamas was too much effort. Shutting off the light so she was in complete darkness, she pulled herself into bed and wrapped herself around her oversized duvet. Squeezing her eyes shut, she slowly fell asleep as her pillow became moist with her tears.

The doctor in the opposite room jumped in shock as he began to yawn. Tiredness washed over him.

"This is new_" _he thought to himself. "Time lords never need much sleep," as the doctor admitted defeat and walked over to the bed, he suddenly understood that Rose wasn't lazy when she slept so much on the Tardis…she was human. Beautifully human, and he hoped him being human would be good enough for her.

As the doctor switched off the light, climbed into the bed and found himself having to give into his heavy eyelids, he drifted off to sleep thinking of Rose. Thinking of all the things that he wanted to say, all the things he had to look forward to with her, a mortgage for starters! All the first dates, the lazy days doing nothing, laughing at the differences between the two parallel worlds, catching up on lost time…

These thoughts of the Doctor's spinning around and around in his head were interrupted by a scream from Rose.

"TAKE ME BACK…TAKE ME BACK…TAKE ME BACK"

The doctor didn't even need to think, he sprang from bed and ran into her room and was shocked at the sight that faced him. Rose was asleep, having a nightmare; her face was covered with the tracks of her tears. Constantly tossing and turning, and arms moving in every direction, she kept repeating the same three words.

"TAKE ME BACK… TAKE ME BACK…TAKE ME BACK"

The doctor swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. She wanted to go back, go back to him. He wasn't good enough for her, she didn't want this. Tears formed in his eyes, he was desperate to hold her to try and stifle her sobs. He just wanted to place his fingers on her mind and evaporate any bad feelings she had. But he knew by comforting her he would just be adding insult to injury. This inner debate continued until she spoke again in her sleep.

"Am I ever going to see you again?"

"I love you"

Bad Wolf Bay, 2006, their last conversation. She was being haunted by the idea of losing him. She was still scared that he was going to leave her again. He now had no doubt in his mind whatsoever and what needed to be done now.

Standing up straight, he walked right up to her being gently slipping into the bed beside her. Gathering her in his arms, he held her close to him and whispered in her ear to wake her up.

"Sshhh I love you, I'm here," he repeated over and over until she slowly began to open her eyes.

"Doctor?" she was cut off by her

"You were having a nightmare, that was all it was, a nightmare, but it's ok now," he looked her straight in the eye as he continued, "I made my choice a long time and I'm never going to leave you."

Rose gave up

Curling herself into a ball she let him look after her. She found it quite ironic really, him stealing her words like that. She said those words right after he had sent her away to be safe and happy, now she was going to do the exact same thing.

But not tonight

Tonight she wasn't going to dream of being separated by a white wall and a universe. Tonight she was going to sleep knowing she was safe and loved. Clinging to him, Rose said, "thank you," before finally drifting off to sleep.

Tonight she was going to be ok, tomorrow everything would change.


	7. Chapter 7

It had become something of a regular occurrence for the doctor to spend the night in Rose's bed. Nothing happened, nothing at all. They would spend the days just as they had always done before, best friends. Nothing less, and most definitely something more, but neither would make the first move. They'd eat dinner together whilst the doctor would make quip remarks at how this universe is inferior to the other; whilst Rose would sit there crying with what he presumed could only be laughter.

How wrong could he be.

Just like the old movies, when the clock struck 12, it was all over, and they'd say goodnight and go their separate ways down the hallway. Well for Rose it was all over. As soon as she closed her bedroom door, her face would fall as reality would painfully hit her. Each time she closed the door she would open it with the one less day to go before she would have to lose him again.

Trying to push the thoughts out of her mind, Rose would turn off the light, and climb into bed, secretly praying tomorrow would never come.

And every night without fail, the door would silently open again, and a tall man would slip in beside her and hold her tight. She would nestle herself into him, and neither of them would say a word as they drifted off into sleep.

However when he awoke, she was always gone. He always assumed that Torchwood had changed her, and that her body clock had shifted so she could finally deal with the gruelling 6am starts.

This all changed when the doctor awoke at 2am and when reaching out for Rose was greeted with the cold side of the bed. As she got up, his slow, sleepy walk quickly changed into an awake run as he checked each room and realised that Rose had gone.


	8. Chapter 8

The doctor paced around the flat for half an hour until he finally decided that enough was enough. Considering how long he had been sitting there waiting, and the time before when he was asleep, Rose hadn't just popped out for fresh air or for a crafty cigarette. Rose had never smoked before, but right now with her just gone, he didn't know what to believe.

Over the past week, this had been the one time that the Doctor missed being the doctor in the Tardis, with her help; he could scan and locate Rose. For now, he was going to have to do it the old fashioned way.

Problem was, although he knew his way around this world, it wasn't Rose's world. He couldn't assume that she would be at her mate Shareen's, or gone to the pub with Mickey, or at the estate. Those places still existed, but on this side of the wall, they had no meaning for Rose. As much as he hated to admit it though, the Doctor had an awful feeling that he already knew where she was.

Torchwood.

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST BLOODY WORK?" Rose shouted as she kicked the desk holding the dimension cannon. She slowly sunk down to her knees, wrapped her arms around herself and gently rocked back and forth as she began to cry.

"_7 days gone, 7 days to go_" she thought to herself. She was running out of time, although the walls would be weak for two weeks, the longer it was, the harder it would be to break them.

She couldn't understand why it wasn't working this time, maybe the Doctor knew her better than she thought and had closed them properly on the other side.

Either way, she had to try, she had to do it.

She had to set him free.

Slowly, rubbing the tears from her mascara stained cheeks; she got up and prepared to carry on. Glancing at the clock and noticing the time of 2:30am she mentally scolded herself. She only had another two hours before she had to get to him.

She hated leaving him at night, when he would come to her and hold her. It was her favourite part of them being together, as he closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep she could finally let her guard down, and allow him to love her like she loved him. She didn't have to keep him at an arm's length distance, or keep up the pretence of being just friends; she could finally give into him.

But then, just as she would get comfortable, she would suddenly remember why she fought against her drooping eyelids. Without making a sound, she would slip out of bed and get changed, before closing the door silently on her way to Torchwood.

She would work through the night until 4:30am, at which time, she would walk home, get back in her pyjamas, put the TV on mute before settling into sleep on the sofa. This way, when the doctor woke up he would just assume that she had just woken early naturally, as she was use to with torchwood, but managed to get some shut eye in front of the television, when she accidently slipped in her sleep and put the television on mute. Perfect.

She was surprised that he hadn't suspected anything. She smiled to herself then, maybe love really was blind.

Her smile didn't last long as the co-ordinated on the computer screen didn't match what they were supposed to be. Feeling anger rising in her again, Rose grabbed the nearest thing to her, the blue folder with the previous data collection of how the cannon worked last time and hurled it against the wall along with a loud groan and a fresh set of tears, awaiting the loud bang it would make when it hit the wall, and then the floor.

It never made a sound though.

The doctor had caught it in both hands. He took one look at the documents inside, before his eyes matched Rose's as they began to fill with tears.


	9. Chapter 9

"…Rose?" his voice cracking as he questioned her desperately.

She didn't know what broke her heart more, the look on his face or the small piece of hope in his voice that he was obviously clinging to.

"It's not what you think," she tried pathetically.

"Yuppp" he looked defeated as he finished the word and popped the 'p'.

"It really isn't, just let me…" she never got the last word out before he cut her off.

"Explain? EXPLAIN?" the sadness and desperation had turned to anger. Rose took a step back as the anger of a 900 year old time lord exploded, and was all aimed directly at her.

"Go on Rose, explain, because I tell you what," he was laughing now, but not in a good way. "I tell you what; I really want to hear this. What were you going to do? Just not come back to me one morning? Go swanning off with him again, and just leave me waiting for you?" he was shaking his head in disbelief and sat down as she replied.

"It's not like that!" her voice rising slightly. His eyes met hers for the first time, and all at once, they completely opened up to her. All the sadness and pain was expressing itself.

"No you're right, it's not like that. Because I wouldn't be waiting for you Rose, not at first, I'd wake up, and just assume you'd gone to work or to your mum's house. I'd try phoning you but wouldn't get through, probably just assume you'd forgotten to charge it, like you always use to. So I'd potter around here Rose, try and fix your shower, or re-make the toaster so it's always crispy, but not burnt just as you like it." His voice was soft now.

"Just stop," hers was shaking now

"It would probably get to around midday when I'd start getting a bit jittery. I'd phone your mum, inviting her to Sunday lunch whilst casually enquiring if she knew where you were. When she'd say no I'd make up that you were at Torchwood but say you might call into hers after, or something like that so to not worry her."

"Please," she was crying now

"Next, seeing as there's no Mickey to go to, I guess I'd probably come here."

"Just, please, stop!" she walked over to him and knelt into front of him and held his hands. He didn't look at her as he replied he just kept staring at a spot in the distance.

"I would in carrying a sandwich, so no one got suspicious. When everyone said you're not here I would pretend you've told me to leave it in your office. So I'd walk in. And what would I find Rose? What would I find here?" He completely lost it then and began sobbing uncontrollably

"No…that wouldn't ever happen" she tried to comfort him, cupping his Face with her hands

"Don't lie to me!" He shouted in her face and stood up. Pacing the room up and down, he continued with his voice gradually getting louder and louder. "Do you know what would be the hardest part Rose? I lost you once, and even though it almost killed me, well did in one world, but even so I could lose you again, but do you know what would be worst? I could live, well survive more like, I could survive without seeing your face again, if I knew it was what you really wanted. I'd never move on though, could never love anyone or replace you, but that wouldn't matter. None of that matters but I would worry Rose. All these questions would just spin forever in my mind. The unanswered questions would be the worse."

"Doctor!" she begged

"Did she even make it there alive, or is she floating around in atoms?"

"Stop!"

"Did she make it to the right time, or has she met the 1st, or 5th me and possibly ruined everything we ever had, re written time?"

"Please stop this!"

"And if you found him, would he treat you right? He would love you in his own way, but would he tell you like you deserve?"

"Doctor please!"

"And then that life, I'd always wonder if he was ever careless, or if you got hurt, or lost, or worse, I would never know."

"Just shut up!"

"But do you want to know the worst of it?"

"Just stop now"

"Should I tell you Rose?"

"Stop"

"The thing that would kill me repeatedly every day until I die?"

"Stop"

He abruptly stopped pacing and stared her down "Why? Why wasn't I good enough? Why did you leave? What did I do wrong? What was possibly so bad that you couldn't tell me? Why didn't you let me all the way in?"

With that he sunk to the floor and sobbed

Rose didn't know what to say, she just sat down next to him. Attempting to take his hand, she didn't allow herself to feel hurt when he pulled away; it was exactly the same as she had been doing to him.

The doctor swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke quietly, "set all the co-ordinates to 5. You need to boost the external energy tripulator to 7; it'll give you warning readings off the scale but keep it at 7. The walls have been open so many times they will try and fight it, but with the tripulator at 7 you should have just enough time to get back."

"I don't want to go back, I…"

"Rose, please, don't pity me."

"I'm not, it's just..."

"Rose! Just stop ok; I already think you're the most amazing woman in the universe, Rose Tyler! My Rose, fantastic Rose, defender of the Earth, Bad wolf…my Rose isn't a liar. Rose please just don't lie to me, whatever you want to do just tell me the truth, nothing will ever change the way I think of you, so don't worry." He tried to smile a sad smile at her. "I'm him Rose, I know you don't believe it but he's me and I'm him."

"I do get it" she tried

"It's ok, I know it's weird. But I'm the doctor and he's me. But if you want to go back to him…"

"JUST SHUT UP!" Rose lost it now and stood up. "I know you're him ok! I know it, and this is exactly why I have to do this ok? Well that's not strictly true…this is why you have to do this."

He looked at her dumbfounded.

"I'm not going back Doctor…you are"


	10. Chapter 10

The Doctor's face was a mixture, of heart and confusion as he stared at her for seconds before finally speaking.

"What did you just say?"

"You're going back, not me," Rose spoke in a very matter of fact way.

"And you're not coming?" he questioned.

"No" she replied.

He stood up now, and walked towards her. This time it was her that was refusing to look him in the eye. Staring at her, he gently took her hands in his and stroked them.

"Rose"

"I've got to…" she tried

"Rose,"

"The co-ordinates, we haven't got long I need to…"

"Do I repulse you that much Rose?" he asked desperately, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"What?" she finally turned to face him

"It's me Rose! I'm the Doctor, albeit one heart but it's me! What's changed things, it's like you want me with you but only if you can pretend it's not like this!" he was confused and exasperated as he was desperate to know what she was thinking. He suddenly had sympathy for all the times he had kept his feelings for her a mystery, boy was she paying him back now good and proper.

"It's me Rose"

"That's the bloody problem!" the emotions she had been hiding over the last week suddenly burst into life. "That's the whole reason why you can't stay! I get it, ok I really do! What was it that you said, '_the one adventure I can never have'_ I know you can't do this." She smiled as she sat down; she was finally getting everything off her chest. Relaxing her shoulders which had tensed up without her even realising, she sighed as she begun the conversation which she had feared having the most.

"You know, when I tried to get back to you, I didn't plan a Disney fairy tale ending. I didn't even know if you would have the same face or feel the same about me…"

"Forever," he cut in bluntly

"What?"

"You promised me forever and I'm going to help you fulfil it. We can have forever now Rose…don't you want that?"

"I do, it's just…" she sighed as he chest was suddenly feeling tight again, "I just want you to be happy".

He opened his mouth to interrupt her but she got in before him,

"Just, let me finish eh? You never said it then, and couldn't say it when you had the chance before, and that helped me make my mind up. I could see it in your eyes that you, or he wanted to, but that's just not him. Ok let's face it; I'm not the first in 900, so why should he change all of a sudden for a shop girl from London…"

Shaking his head with tears in his eyes he did finally interrupt her this time, "Don't you dare say that about yourself, you're…"

"Just let me finish yeah!" she shouted a bit louder than intended. "Sorry, what I mean is, however much he would want us to have this life together, it's not him ok? I'm no fool, you don't need supervising, and you don't _'need me'_ as he so eloquently put it. He just said that to get rid of me. He wasn't being nasty but we can't go on like this. He cares too much! And don't try and deny it because you know it's true as you're him! He would have committed genocide in a second for me and you know it."

The Doctor didn't know what to do. For the first time in 900 years he was truly lost for words. She was right, oh his brilliant Rose was oh so completely right, and it hurt him so much though as she was neglecting the biggest part of this.

His pause whilst in thought signalled her to continue.

"So that's why you're with me, because him being you and you being him are trying to protect me. He didn't want to tell me the truth because he knew I'd feel awful and guilty, but I can't let you do this. You've got one life with one heart and I won't let you waste it on me. I know this isn't what you really want! To go from saving the earth and exploring to having to live the domestic life with me! So I'm letting you go back to him, back to the life you want ok." With that she got up and raced over to the computer.

His voiced was panicked now as she typed erratically, "Rose, Rose just stop and listen to me!"

"Just let me do this for you ok! Call it a final thank you present for everything you've ever done for me. You've saved me so many times and right now I'm saving you from you're worst nightmare."

"Rose!" he spun her shoulders round to face him. His soft voice that followed this violent movement shocked Rose slightly. He spoke clearly, taking time to form the words as a hope that she would listen to them and take them in.

"Rose, I'm going to be ok here, I'm going to be fine!"

Rose just laughed before she looked at him in disbelief and replied,

"What about me?"

"Rose"

"What about me when you wake up one day and realise what you're throwing away by not going back."

"Rose please"

He was met with a shaking Rose's teary response.

"No! I get it, okay? I get it! You'll be okay, you'll be fine, but what about me? How am I going to feel when you resent me? Or when I look at you sad and I know that deep down I'm the cause of all your pain and suffering!"

"Rose please!" he was shouting too now, "Rose I'm not going back, I don't need to go back to be happy, I don't need to do that for myself!"

"Don't do it for yourself, do it for me! Please? Please, Doctor! Please do this for me! Because if you don't... Oh, God! You have to do this! You have to do this for me, or I'll never be able to forgive you!"

"Forgive me for what?"

"For making me love YOU! Not him, YOU! You need to go now because otherwise I'm not going to be able to let you go again!"

"Come here." He approached her as she was crying whilst attempting to type. Enclosing her in a huge hug, he held one arm firmly against her should whilst the other hand stroked the hairs on her head, which was leaning on his chest. She punched his chest, trying to escape as her sobs continued.

""Please do this for me? Okay? Please? I can't do this if you don't... please! Do this for me! Please!" The words were roiling into one as she was screaming at him, whilst desperately trying to escape his grasp.

He met her sobs with a response that neither of them had been expecting.

""Okay, okay, I'll do it."


	11. Chapter 11

"What?" The Doctor's iron grip had loosened, and Rose looked up at him, shocked. She had expected him to put up more of a fight.

"I said I'll do it," he replied flatly. He marched off then to the computer, and began running around her office, furiously grabbing wires, fiddling with machines, changing the settings. The way he commanded her office, for a split second it was as if he was in his TARDIS, home.

Rose just stood there, as he waltzed majestically around her. He was chattering about the science of it all at his usual 100mph pace, but Rose wasn't paying attention. She knew she would kick herself later for not savouring his last words, but she just couldn't focus. She knew this was for the best, the right thing to do, but it was just too damn hard.

And what was worse was that she knew the worst was yet to come. Defender of the Earth, ha! That was just a title, but Rose still knew what she was deep down. Coward. Daleks, Cybermen, Slitheen, that was nothing compared to saying goodbye to the Doctor. She couldn't do it a third time.

"Bye Doctor," she barely whispered, and turned and walked silently out of the room.

"Do I not even get a goodbye? Or is that just reserved for him?" Rose couldn't miss the bitterness in his voice.

"What?" Rose was genuinely hurt by that, hurt that for someone so clever he couldn't see how hard this was for her. That was always the Doctor though. Science? No problem. Creatures and planets? Easy. Emotions? Now that was what was really alien to him.

"Don't even bother acting like you care, Doctor. I'm just too tired," Rose had barely finished her sentence before she turned back around to carry on walking out of her office. She told herself this was to make a statement, but in reality, she just didn't want him to see her cry, again.

Rose wasn't going to get her wish though, as the Doctor ran up behind her, grabbing her by the arm so that she was facing him.

"Don't touch me!" Rose yelled, furious now.

"Rose?" The Doctor asked, puzzled.

"Don't touch me!" Rose yelled, pulling her arm out of his grasp. But he wouldn't let go.

"Not, until you tell me why I don't at least deserve a goodbye." He snarled, it felt so unusual to be angry at Rose, but he was so upset that all he could see was red at the moment.

"No! No! You do NOT get to act as if I'm the bad person here Doctor, when it's all you! So don't you dare go and try to make me feel guilty for not wanting to say goodbye, because I won't do it, I can't! I'm not going to let myself get all upset and emotional and pour my heart out and say silly things like "I love you" to someone who doesn't even care, and who won't think about me when I'm gone!"

The doctor dropped Rose's arm and froze. Looking straight into her eyes he barely managed a whisper with his next sentence.

"Don't you dare say that to me. Don't you ever dare"

"Why not?!" Rose was back to screaming. "Doctor, you left me!"

"Rose, I"

"Do you want to know what the worse thing was about our first goodbye Doctor? It wasn't what you didn't say, because I already figured that out. But I always hated myself for saying it first, because I felt as if you were just saying it back because you felt bad for me. I didn't think that straight away, but as soon as I started to get the dimension cannon working, me, a stupid little ape! As soon as I did the impossible that a timelord couldn't it got me thinking. Maybe he didn't want me back?"

Rose's voice gradually began to soften as he reminisced about past events out loud.

"And then I found you again. Running up to you where that stupid Dalek shot you, ha! I just forgot all my doubts, and thought, this is where I'm meant to be, and that you did really mean what you couldn't say."

All it took was one look at the man standing beside her for Rose's fury to return.

"But you didn't mean it! Did you! Ever! Because on that bloody beach you couldn't run back to your TARDIS fast enough! I wasted so much time Doctor, and for what! For you to just leave me, you never did care!"

"He left you, not me"

"Well you're about to do the same, aren't you?" Rose's fury was now replaced by a cruel whisper. "You were right; you and him really are the same."

It was the Doctor's turn to shout now.

"He loves you, and so do I. He never left you, he gave you up! The one thing harder than not being with you Rose, is being with you and then losing you. Do you know how many times he has thought you have died because of him? The Dalek in Utah, the Gamestation, New New York, Magpie's shop, just to name a few! He can't do it again, trust me, I know! So what does he do? He lets you go, lets you go off to your family, where eventually someone else will hold your hand, make you smile, make you laugh, make you love them, and the blue box and I will all be some bad dream. And now I'm doing the same, because this time it's not your life I'm saving, it's your happiness, as you obviously don't want me. So don't you dare talk to me about having to say goodbye or being left because that is nothing, Rose, nothing! Compared to giving you up."

The Doctor was barely able to finish his speech before the tears began to flow.

"Doctor?" Rose was crying now, her anger replaced by fear. Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth had gone, and in her place was Rose, all pink and yellow and scared.

The Doctor didn't reply, instead he decided that he had said too much already, so quickly returned back to the machine. He was working frantically when both he and Rose were shaken by a sudden Earth tremor.

"It's ready!" The Doctor shouted, whilst still running around. "The walls are open, it's a small gap but should be enough, I'm setting co-ordinates now, got about oooh 30 seconds before they shut…"

"Don't go" Rose spoken softly

"What?" The Doctor spun around from his place, ready to jump across the walls of reality.

"I'm sorry, please, don't go" Rose's voice was becoming panicked, and she kept choking on her sobs.

"Rose, it's ok, you don't have to feel bad, we know this is what you want, and as I said, I'd rather give you up if it means you're happy," The Doctor was fighting back tears himself.

"PLEASE! I'm asking you to stay, PLEASE! I didn't mean it, please! I…"

Rose was blinded by a flash of light before she could finish her sentence. As she opened her eyes, she was met with an empty room. The Doctor had left her.

"I don't want you to go…."

Rose collapsed on the floor, crying.


	12. Chapter 12

Rose wasn't quite sure how long she had stayed curled up on the floor. She stopped crying almost straight away, one thing she had learnt was that crying wouldn't bring him back. Too numb to move, and quite frankly too tired to care, Rose just sat on the floor, staring at the place where he had been.

It was quite ironic really, things had gone exactly as they were meant to, but they couldn't feel more wrong.

As the sun slowly began to rise, and the fact that he was now quite literally on the other side, time has never seemed less important. She was only awoken by her coma state as she heard the familiar sounds of papers rustlings and filing cabinets opening, which reminded Rose that there was a world outside of her office.

So Rose did the only thing that she knew, she got up, dusted herself off, and went to find some reports to finish. Rose decided she had to carry on. I mean, there wasn't much else to do; there was no way now to go back.

He had one universe to defend already, so she may as well defend the other.

Rose spent the entire day working, skipping lunch and keeping herself to herself, she tried to convince herself that she was keeping busy and coping, but in reality she just didn't want to return back to the flat. She didn't want to sleep in the bed which still carried his smell and his imprint.

Rose was busy listing the reasons in her head of why she should stay at work when she was rudely interrupted by the growling noise erupting from her stomach. Rose wanted to work forever, but her body had other ideas. Sighing loudly, she grabbed her handbag, and left Torchwood. Walking home, she drew her jacket tightly around herself. She wasn't particularly cold, but it was something to distract her now empty hands.

"Who's going to hold his hand now?" Rose thought to herself, again.

Rose took the long way home in order to pick up some chips, there was a chippy right up the road from Torchwood, but he had gone there, so that made things too….domestic now he was gone.

Trudging up the stairs, Rose fumbled around for her keys in her bag, as a chip was half hanging out of her mouth. Stuffing another one in so she could enjoy them whilst they were still semi warm, Rose found her key, opened the door, and threw her bag into the hall.

Kicking the door behind her shut behind her, Rose didn't ever reach the sofa.

In her way stood a tall man.

With great hair.

"Rose Tyler" he chucked "I don't know I can't leave you five bloody minutes! I've only been gone, pooh what is it? ``18 hours, well actually only 10 minutes but I thought I'd surprise you here! Anyway where was i? Ah yes, I've barely been gone and you've already gone back to chips and tele!"

Rose just stared at him, emotionally exhausted.

"Hi" she barely chocked out?

"Oh even better!" "I do the impossible and all I get is 'Hi' Blimey I'd hate to hear what you say to your work colleagues when they muck up!" Despite his laughter he couldn't hide the tears in his eyes.

"How? I thought…but" Rose was having trouble organising her thoughts as a million questions raced through her mind.

"The dimension cannon was locked onto the Tardis, so they were connected, and with me standing there, ready to go, I was connected to both. It heard you asking me to stay, and felt me wanting to stay with you. The Tardis listened, and I ended up here. Guess she did always take me where I needed to be." The doctor couldn't hide his tears anymore.

"I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry" Rose whispered in between huge sobs. "I was just confused, I just wanted you to be happy, and I felt guilty if you stayed here for me. And I was angry and stupid and yelling at you for not giving me a choice when I was about to do the same to you and…."

Whilst Rose was pouring her heart out in between choked sobs The Doctor had closed the gap between them with three large steps, and stopped her mouth with a kiss. Kissing him back deeply, she clung to his jacked and he protectively wrapped both his arms around her waist and pulled her into him.

Eventually they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other, their tears mixed.

"This is it" he cried. "You and me, forever, this is where I want to be."

"Good" she laughed, "Because I am never letting you go again."

The Doctor carried Rose into her bedroom and put her to bed before joining her. Laying her head on his chest, she curled herself into him as he held her.

And he never let go

Ever


End file.
